Posted by: katedaphne | March 14, 2009

My old self

I’ve been feeling bad lately b/c all my posts have been so gloomy. Although I do tend to use this space more about the sucky things in life than the happy ones, that is one of the 700 bazillion crappy things about IF — I feel that IF has stolen my “real” self, which was generally disposed to be happy and optimistic. For about 4 years now I have been anything but happy and optimistic. I’ve been — well, you know. I miss that self, and I am very sure my family and friends miss that self too!

So one of the many delightful things about this DE pregnancy is getting the chance to recapture a little of my old self, that happy and optimistic one. It’s not easy, and it’s not there all the time. But it is truly one of my goals: to drop as much as possible the bitterness and gloom that IF leaves you and embrace all the chances I have to be optimistic and happy.

As I said in my last post, I feel sure that some of those negative feelings will never fully go away. But that doesn’t mean they have to be first on my list. I can acknowledge them, and then fold them up and put them in a drawer, and take out the positive thoughts and attitudes instead. They need to be shaken out, for sure, hung on the line and aired out. But they’re in there, and I’m ready to use them.

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Responses

  1. Good for you! I hope that everything continues to go swimmingly with your pregnancy, and that the “old you” becomes the “new you.”

  2. Double what Sara said. Such good times!

  3. I’m glad you aren’t *all* doom and gloom, though there is nothing wrong with some. I worry sometimes because it’s easier for me to come up with what is shitty and write about it on my blog, so I always try and balance it so people don’t think I’m suicidal. But then I think I come off as a bit bipolar.

  4. There’s nothing wrong with doom and gloom here, esp. because most people (in the US at least) only want to hear about rainbows and rose-shitting unicorns and happy butterflies. But that wasn’t your experience. And this is your space to honor your experience.

    There’s going to be a new new you now, I think, with a whole mix of the bitter, sorrowful, sweet, and the joyful.


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