Posted by: katedaphne | March 4, 2009

Overdue update

My apologies, I know I am unforgiveably tardy with this post. Please file the last month in the no-news-is-good-news file.

Nothing has really been going on. I have just been making the adjustment from bitter infertile to pregnant bitter infertile. It is a strange place to be in.

I knew going in that a successful DE cycle would not “cure” my infertility — nor would it cure my attitude! What it IS curing is my inability to have a family, and that is way more important than either of the other two. But that doesn’t mean the other two just automatically fade away.

But I’ve been trying really hard to just act like a normal pregnant woman. Which at this point, I guess I am. Everything is going swimmingly so far. I’m 15 weeks this week. All OB appointments have been just fine. I did the NT scan but declined the bloodwork, and declined to be told the odds for Downs and anything else they measure for (I had them just write it in my chart). But the sono tech did comment aloud that everything looked fine. So all’s well there. Thing 1 and Thing 2 are both measuring correctly for their age, and are both the same size. I’ve had three post-RE scans and each time they were moving around like crazy. It’s fun to see. Last time Thing 1 was sucking its little thumb. So cute!

At first, I could not get thoughts of doom out of my head. Every other day I was convinced that The Things were dead. Even as I was experiencing symptoms so servere I wanted to weep, I was sure the worst had happened. My OB is really understanding about the state of mind a mom-to-be with my history has, so she’s cool about scans and phone calls and questions and extra reassurance. And slowly, I have come around to ~almost~ believing I’m a normal pregnant woman. I think seeing them both well and the same size at 12 weeks helped a lot with that.

The first trimester, and so far beyond, have been really difficult physically. I’m not here to complain, so let’s just say the pg symptoms have had my tail between my legs for some weeks now. They are starting to let up but aren’t gone. Haven’t noticed a glow yet but am looking a little less like a diseased ferret. Still have major food issues, so eating — and gaining weight, so necessary with a multiples pregnancy — has been difficult.  That’s one reason I haven’t posted in so long — I’ve just been fighting to get through the day and get home and get some food in me, haven’t had a spare iota of energy for much of anything, even blogging. I’m showing a little but I am so naturally skinny (pls don’t hate me, belive me I have plenty of other problems) no one thinks I am showing. But my pants are getting tight, and Mike and I notice a little bump.

Next check-up is March 19. It’s the Level II u/s, or the anatomy scan, whatever you want to call it. We feel confident that all will be well there. And we’ll find out the sexes that day. Woo-hoo! Extra exciting, Mike’s mom will be in town that week, visiting from Kansas, so she’ll be able to go to the scan with us. It is nice to be able to share that with her b/c she has been wonderfully helpful and supportive through this whole journey. I have another appointment the next week, so my mom can go to that one (she’s local), this way all the mothers will get to participate.

In a fit of mad optimism, and to forestall more fear, I joined the local parents-of-twins club. They seem to be a helpful, friendly group. I also did something wildly out of character this past weekend:

Mike and I went to the Smart Baby Expo in Tampa.

Yes, we did.

There were a lot of pg women, and couples pushing strollers. I was not surprised to find that pregnant women still give me the heebie-jeebies. Even though I am one. Old bitter infertile habits die hard.

But we went around to all the booths and talked to doulas (doulas? do I need a doula? ack! i know so much about GETTING pg and not a thing about BEING pg!) and cord blood savers and people who make baby hair bows and all kinds of things. It was ok. Frankly, I was hoping for more swag. Though I got a call from a photo studio that we won a drawing for a free photography package. I am not into belly pics but Mike would like a few photos to document this time so I agreed. (But sorry, if you were hoping for big old nekkid belly pics, google octomom b/c you won’t find them here!)

I have started window shopping for a few baby things, including looking at things online and a trip to Baby Depot and the baby section of the local super walmart. But I haven’t bought anything yet. Haven’t quite progressed to being comfortable with baby things in the house. There’s time, there’s time.

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Responses

  1. I’m so, so glad to read such a great update about you and Thing 1 and Thing 2! I knew that all was going well, but it’s still good to know for sure. I’m excited about your u/s! I’m guessing one of each!

    Did you get my reply to your email (the second one) the other day? I wasn’t sure if you got since I was having some trouble with my email wiggin’ out on me.

    (((HUGS)))

  2. Yes you ARE overdue. But I forgive you.

    I am glad that you are starting to feel better. And I’m extra glad that you’re no longer looking like a diseased ferret as the visual imagery is killing me.

  3. Glad all is well! I brought one baby thing, a monkey which I carry with me and spoon all night long… i haven’t lost it.

  4. The feelings of infertility never completely go away. I still get pangs when I see a pg woman, even if the twins are with me. Just a battle scar we carry I guess.

    Glad you are feeling better!!

  5. You’ve got to take it slow with these things (though man, you’re brave: A baby expo! Shit).

    Thanks for the update; I hope the symptoms continue to fade and the glow kicks in.

  6. Oh my gosh, Kate! A baby expo?! You are doing well, imho. 🙂

    Good to hear from you. I thought I was going to have to stalk you on IVFC.

    I say plan on doing a vaginal birth and get a doula they can be great during labor and getting to know the person ahead of time is key to feeling safe and protected during that important time.

  7. Yay for the update! I’m glad Things one and two are kicking ass, even though tye seem to be kicking yours in the process. I hope this next trimester treats you better – after all you had to go through to get here, the least mother nature could do is give you nice hair and glowing skin.

  8. I’m happy things are going well.
    It’s a good thing you declined the blood test. They wouldnt even do them for me as they said “we dont have baselines figures for twins and the results would be wrong”.
    Take it day by day. I had a panic attack this weekend that something was wrong and even though I had a Dr appointment Tuesday and heard the heardbeats, on Wednesday I was sure something was wrong and it was only the U/S scheduled for thursday that kept me out of emergency (boy would I have felt like an idiot).
    I still havent gained much weight (11lbs in 23 weeks) but I had lots of fluff to start with. Do what you can I hope the eating issues settle down.

  9. If you’re like me, the weight gain will creep up on your ass all at once in about sixty pounds 🙂

    Pregnancy after IF is hard,

    xx

    J


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