Posted by: katedaphne | January 28, 2009

The “F” word

Okey, brace yourselves. I am going to say it.
Don’t try to stop me. Cover your ears if you don’t wanna hear it.
Here goes…


And once more, with feeling:


10-week u/s this afternoon. Went great. Both Things, who were measuring more than a week behind last time, have caught up. They measured 9w6d and 9w4d, which is awesome. By the calendar I am 10w1d, so they both had a growth spurt. Woo-hoo. I was worried before b/c they were behind. Now I feel much better. We saw heads and limbs — “We don’t see many limbs around here,” said the u/s tech, grinning — and we saw both of them moving. One was kicking up a storm. Heartbeats good too, u/s tech did a little heartbeat dance for us when we saw them. I love that. It is great to be a bringer of joy instead of sorrow.

It was our last appt. with the RE’s office. It was happy, but a little sad we won’t be seeing them anymore. We will definitely keep in touch and send them e-mails and pictures. It has been nice dealing with this clinic (USF) for our local monitoring, because in addition to their medical talent, their focus is very much on patient comfort and support. That is not a necessity or a deal-breaker for me (I want a baby, not a BFF) but it did make it nice. Cornell was great for their expertise and lab and I am incredibly glad we went there. We knew we’d just be numbers there, and we were, and that was ok. But it was just nice to have the friendly support at USF. Dr. P, Dr. K, Christine, Joy, Camille, if any of you ever google yourselves and are reading this — thanks!!!

So yeah, a happy day. Not that I think I am going to stop being a scared, bitter infertile at heart. But I am working hard to change my frame of reference from assuming everything is going to suck to assuming things are fine. It is a pretty monumental change, kind of like the reversal of the magnetic poles of the earth. But that does happen, and so will this. 

In this spirit, my next goals are to avoid as many screenings/tests as I can that look for problems with the Things but that there is no help/cure for. I do not want to sit around worrying about odds or what-ifs, if there is nothing I can do anyway. I’m not going to terminate no matter what should go wrong (not that I think anything will, I don’t, just saying). And I don’t want any risky, invasive tests like an amnio. I am going to take what I get and love it. So, few or no screenings, only ones that look for something that can be taken care of . The ones I can’t get out of, I’m going to request to not be told the results. They can just go in the records and sit there. This may sound odd to some, but it is the best way I can think of to protect my mental health and store of inner strength.

Okay, here’s a pic from today. Enjoy.




  1. YEA! I love your post. OF course you will never get past the infertile mind, after what you went thru thats just a part of you, and alot of times it sucks but oh well. I just smiled whenI saw the ultrasound, I never got to see limbs but I’m glad you are. Glad you sent an update, can’t wait to watch the THINGS grow.


  3. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

    I am at a loss for words, so I hope that covers it.

  4. This is so great, isn’t it amazing what a difference a year can make?

  5. OH MY GOSH KATE! I saw the title and was afraid you were going with a 4 letter F word.


    You are FINALLY on your way

  6. Finally is right!!!!

  7. Yeah!! How wonderful to finally see actual babies!

  8. You made me smile on the INSIDE. If there is such a thing as DESER

  9. VING a baby then certainly you and your husband do.

    Love and hugs from the 2-part poster.

  10. Gorgeous!!! Congratulations on a wonderfully normal U/S, and two perfect babies.

  11. Hoo-fucking-RAY!!!!!!

    I’m so so so happy for you!


    And I was so moved by your love for the Things: that no matter what, you’re going to adore them, so screw all the tests. Amen to that!

  13. Woohoo!!! I am so glad you got to experience the 10w u/s. IMO, the very best one of the bunch!

  14. Good for you for refusing the tests. I know 3 people who got false positives for Down’s — their babies were fine and they freaked out for 5 mos. over nothing! Now you can eat Ben & Jerry’s & enjoy losing the flat belly (like the rest of us all the time!!!)

  15. Yay Kate!! So happy for you!! I was the same way with the tests. I did none of them. I did go to a big hospital for my big ultrasound at 19 wks and decided if anything looked funky on that then I would investigate a little further, maybe meet with a maternal fetal medicine or something. But I didn’t want any bloodwork that would potentially upset me, as it was likely my only pregnancy. Anyway, best of luck, keep us posted!

  16. First – How the heck did I not know about your blog??

    Second – See above in reference to HOW THE HECK DID I NOT KNOW YOU’RE PREGNANT?!

    So a verrrrry belated congrats and well wishes and YAY and all that jazz!

    (&Yes, I’ll be following your blog now. ;P)

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