Posted by: katedaphne | September 16, 2008

One more thing I can’t pretend about

In two hours I will be 37. Thirty-seven. I have always looked very young for my age, getting carded for liquor and even lottery tickets into my 30s. Age is always tricky for women, and it is an extra burden for women with IF. I passed the 35 yo marker a while back, but the docs all said they considered me “young” and did not think my age was a factor. Unspoken was the “yet” but I knew it was there.

So now here I am, 37. I know some people are older (!) but there’s no good way to spin this. I can’t pretend to myself I am a young woman anymore. In some ways I would not want to be young. People forget how hard youth is. But at leats you had the potential for things to get better.

I used to tell myself I was young, because I look it and act it. (ok, i am a bit of a curmudgeon but i was always none, this is not new.) I always thought I would “grow up” when I had children to watch over — you know, someone to compare myself to. Next to a child, I must be an adult, right?

I used to celebrate my birthday a lot, not because I wanted to make a big deal of myself, but because I thought of it as an anniversary — the anniversary of my making it here to the planet. It was a celebration, not of me, but of life. Not feeling that so much this year. Mostly I think, Life can bite me.

Nevertheless, I intend to have myself a nice day. My day.

—-

Thursday, Sept. 18, is the last day of my DE prep cycle. When Cornell receives my bloodwork results Thursday afternoon, I iwll be active on the donor wait list. I’ve been promised a quick match. I hope they find “The One” soon.

I know the odds are slim at this point, but it sure would be nice to have a take-home baby before this day next year. I better not say that out loud, or it might now come true.

 

Happy Birthday to Me.

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Responses

  1. I’m wishing the same thing for you…a quick match and nothing but good things to follow. And this time next year, the best birthday ever for you. Happy birthday!

  2. Happy birthday – may your next one be infinitely better. I do hope your donor quickly.

  3. Happy birthday, sweet lady. May you get your take home baby soon,

    J

  4. Happy Birthday. Wishing you a year of joy and peace and love and delight. Wishing you more happiness than sorrow.

  5. Happy Birthday!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you wait for the next step in your journey to become parents.

    By the way, at 41 yrs old I still get carded and am ever so grateful. Now if I could just make my eggs as young as people think I look. Thanks for your continued support.

  6. Happy birthday Kate! I hope that you get your birthday wish, and that the upcoming year is just the first of many wonderful years to come.

  7. Happy birthday, baby. Hope all your dreams come true.

  8. Happy, happy birthday!

  9. Happy birthday – I hope that this following year brings you everything you want.

  10. Congratulations on making it to 37. I hope this is the beginning of one of your best years ever.

  11. Happy Birthday, Kate! I’m 2 months behind you and feel the same way you do. I hope all goes well tomorrow. ~Dot

  12. Happy Belated. I’ve been offline and missed your post. Best of luck with the donor match.

  13. Coming in late but wishing you birthday greetings all the same. *smooch*

  14. Happy B-day Kate! I hope you had a great day.

    I was just thinking that I don’t feel grown up. Maybe we never will.

  15. Hey….Happy Birthday from waaaay down here in Auustralia…love your blog…and I sure hope you do get your baby wish! BTW enjoy that looking young business, I too was once like that – even got accused of having a rapidly ageing painted portrait of myself hidden away somewhere….then I started ART…*humpf* now at 44 I look as old as I feel!!! Ughhh!

  16. Happy (belated) birthday!


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