Posted by: katedaphne | July 1, 2008


Gosh, I love them! Thanks so much, all who’ve commented since our lWTF. Was going to reply to one, then realized I wanted to return a bunch so I figured it woiuld be easiest to do in one post, which I hope all of you see!

Working back-ass-wards, from comments on the post before this:

Queenie — Thanks so much for the kudos, but I really can’t accept them. The truth is, I am a wallower too, and I have been wallowing at least a year, since our first cycle at Cornell (4th overall) failed last May. In a way I’ve been wallowing since our first failed IVF more than two years ago, and since the m/c before that, and since I first gave in and took the clomid…. But seriously, this past year has been Wallow Central. I feel like you feel when you’ve eaten too much chocolate, or raw cookie dough. You don’t think that could ever actually happen, but then when it does boy does it feel bad! Getting that first Cornell BFN, and then talking about DE, really took it out of me.

Smiling — I am glad you found me, and I’ll be cruising by your blog this weekend. Thank you for your warm comments!

Me — Thanks! I’m sending the hugs right back atcha!

Io — I think my head did explode a few times. I seem to be missing a few brain cells these days! Thanks for the good wishes. If I find a donor who’s anything like you (since I know you’re looking into doing that, an amzaingly unselfish thing to even consider!!), I think it will be a good experience!

Soapchick — Good luck on your DE cycle. You don’t have to say “only 2” cycles to me — I think each one is very hard!

Shinejil — well I already responded via email but I will again so as not to leave anyone out! You’re quite right that there are still many other kinds of links worth embracing and celebrating. But it’s so hard to let go… I am working at it…

Kymberli — thanks. Not sure if “closure” has been achieved. Not really even sure “closure” exists. But I guess since I’m a bit less like a dog gnawing its paw off to escape from a trap, we can count that as closure! đŸ™‚

Duck — your comment has suggested a completely new thought to me — DE with a surrogate. Never thought of that before. Now I am wondering if that’s what we should do. Gosh, a whole ‘nother world to consider! … It is a little like adoption except hubby’s genes are still involved… hmmmm … wheels turning, can you smell the wood burning scent?

Lisa — thanks for your long and thoughtful comment. We have a lot in common. ABout PGD, I think a lot of docs are advising against it as more data comes in. All the previous docs didn’t want to do it, and even Doc P last week was mostly grasping at straws when he mentioned it. Have you heard of CGH? I wonder if the studies doing that now will prove it better than PGD and if it will become common….

Geohde — thanks again for keeping your eye on me. Hope you are hanging in there. Sending many good wishes your way…

And last but not least, a shout-out to my lurkers — I understand you best of all because I’m one too. xo



  1. I’ll keep on checking in and cheering you on from the sidelines,



  2. Going along with the train of thought Duck gave you, I can also help out with any possible surrogacy-related questions. As for the aspect of DE w/surrogacy being like adoption, in some ways yes, but at least from the technical legal point of view, in some states, your name as the intended mother can be immediately placed on the birth certificate even when an ED is used.

    Your definition of closure is exactly what I meant – the full and proper closure in this case could never happen since everyone is basically shrugging their shoulders and refusing to accept responsibility for what happened, but the sit-down with the doc is still the end of that particular chapter, even if in many respects you were still left hanging. It sucks, but moving forward even while wallowing is still something good.

  3. Aw, gee shucks – I hope you get a less-crazy-than-me donor.
    As Mel/Lolly says, comments are the new hug, so I hope you feel thoroughly hugged by all of us.

  4. I’ve been bad, lurking too much and not enough commenting. I just caught up on your last few posts, what a crazy ordeal for you, so sorry. But you sound “ok” with it, I guess as much as ok as you can be anyway. My awful fear being here in a foreign country was with all 5 IVF’s I always had the thought of them losing or misplacing or giving me wrong embryos. As far as I know it never happened, but the way most things go in everyday life here that was a fear for me. Anyway, I’m wishing for you now the best of days and know that all will start to be great for you. I think I am done lurking now, be back soon. xoxoxoxoxo

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