Posted by: katedaphne | March 17, 2008

March 17

Today, St. Petrick’s Day, is the two-year anniversary of our first IVF BFN. What a soul-crushing day that was. I still remember being so hopeful during our first IVF. I was in shock that we needed it, but had not really internalized the fact that many IVFs do not work. I was doing IVF, I would get pg, and nine months later I’d have a family. Even though I’d POAS during my 2ww, I thought it was just “too early.” I was so innocent. I had even told my husband I didn’t want to do another IVF because it had been so hard on me physically. Mentally and emotionally, too.

But I quickly realized nothing was as hard on me as the idea of being childless forever. The idea of being a never family.

I very quickly came to realize I would be doing IVF again, and again if necessary. I never did realize I’d still be doing them two years later.

I wonder what life will be like two years from today. I am afraid to think about it.

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Responses

  1. Hoping 2 years from now is a whole new world for you…

  2. Looking into the crystal ball gives me goosebumps so I usually try to avoid it. šŸ˜›

    Isn’t it funny how often we stop and turn around and look and think “If I knew then…” I’ve wondered so much if I would have made the same choices.

  3. I hope that two years from now you are far from the difficulties of these past two years. I wish I could say something better or that I had answers or I could give you the future. But all I can do is tell you I’m here and listening and hurting for you.

  4. I know exactly how you feel. September 2005 was my very first failed IVF and when my last cycle failed yet again (exactly two years later), we could no longer hold it together. I just never imagined my life to be like this. I thought if I kept going, I’d be pregnant and be with a family. It left us so broken and the future terrifies me as well. I hope that this time it will be different for you.

  5. I’m sos orry that you’re in such a difficult place. I hope that 2 years in the future things look good for you,

    J

  6. How our innocence gets eaten away! It just sucks. I hope 2 years from now will be a new world.

  7. I’m the same way. I think the first BFN was such a shock to my innocence. And I keep thinking about where I’ll be in 2 years, and how I never would have guessed I would be in this place in March of 2008. It all just sucks (OK, I’m realizing I’m a bit depressed right now! šŸ˜‰

  8. I remember looking to the magic 8 ball for answers 2 years ago, as well. . . I also remember thinking that we would only do IVF once. I remember our first talk in those dark days after the BFN, admitting that we would be doing it again. Oh how I hope that things are looking better for you in far less than 2 years!!


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