Posted by: katedaphne | December 16, 2007

10 dpo, bfn

I told myself I wouldn’t be upset if I get a bfn today because 1) The only tests I have in the house are two leftover interenet cheapies from about three IVFs ago, and 2) It is still pretty early, 10 dpo, or 7dp3dt.

I did pretty good with the denial thing until this evening; now I am feeling like a total loser. For distraction, dh and I decorated our Christmas tree. Usually we do this the weekend after Thanksgiving but we were in NYC for our cycle then. I have way more decorations I usually put up in the house but this year I am just keeping it simple.

Distraction only works for so long though. I feel so mad and betrayed by the universe that this (probably) isn’t going to work. All my life I made choices that were family-oriented and family-friendly. Now I work in a low-paying field (cared more about family than money) and am not even in much of a career track in that (again, b/c I always worked to live rather than the reverse). I’m not only broke but in frightening debt b/c of IVF. And I still feel alone — Miss Family Oriented has friends and family who are all the same — and who are all spending time with THEIR families… As a newspaper copy editor I always felt the saddest thing ever was to see an obituary that ends with the words, “There are no known survivors,” or “She is survived by nieces and nephews.” That’ll be me.

 Sigh. I am going to go eat brownies and try not to test again for at least another couple of days. Beta is Thursday.

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Responses

  1. Hon,

    I’m sorry. Even knowing that it’s too early and that your chance of a false neg is so high, I know that it blows to see only one line,

    xx

    J

  2. Hi there,
    I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you as a redhead. 🙂

    Don’t despair yet…I hate seeing that lonely line, there is nothing worse. But, you know, give it a few more days….k? I’m not giving up on you yet!!

  3. Kate,

    I wish there were a sure way to avoid those feelings of doom (altogether)!! Try to wait until 13dpo before you test again. Even then, the IC may be ambiguous, at best.

    Enjoy the brownies!! Heck enjoy ANYTHING you can at this point, because the waiting does make one crazy :).

    XO,
    RJ

  4. Didn’t you recently argue that you wouldn’t lose hope because of a early BFN on an HPT? This is just proof it can’t be done

    So step away from the pee sticks! You still have hope.

    Crap, this 2ww just sucks and I so hope you are successful this time around.


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