Posted by: katedaphne | July 4, 2009

Happy Independence Day

In what I hope will become a tradition, this is a repost from July 4th last year… If you remember it, I hope you’ll read it again. And if you just found it, I hope you enjoy–

Though most of us call today’s holiday simply July 4th, or the Fourth of July, I like to remember its real name: Independence Day. It’s the day some very brave men, men who were powerful and respected, put their names to a document that could have been their death warrant. Because to declare your independece from the king is treason. But to Hancock and the others who signed our Declaration of Independence, it was the start of a new era in human history. And the signers — they were the bigshots of their time. It is as if people like Bill Gates and Tom Brokaw and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hillary Clinton and Warren Buffett and a pack of state governors and a few CEOs and a couple of oncologists and … well, you get the picture — powerful people with something to lose…

I love the Declaration of Independence, its common-sense beginning, its list of reasons (”He has… He has… He has… He has…”), and most especially, its stirring end: …we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

That phrase always makes me tear up a bit on reading or hearing it, picturing the Founding Fathers pledging their sacred honor, signing, and then going off to start a new country, knowing if caught they could be shot or hanged. When I was in Ireland a few years ago I got to see a similar declaration their people created — but those signers were not so lucky — the English caught and killed them. If that had happened to the American signers, I wonder if there would be United States today. Seeing that document really brought home to me even more the seriousness and specialness of our Declaration of Independence and of this time in our history. Here’s the text of the Declaration of Independence. I hope you’ll read it with me. I put my favorite parts in bold type.

The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. –Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

 He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.

He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:

For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing taxes on us without our consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:

 For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:

For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:

For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:

For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

Happy Independence Day!

Posted by: katedaphne | June 25, 2009

We are all gaining weight

Before I update you on my OB checkup today, I want to say a huge THANKS to all our Resolve advocates, who were on Capitol Hill today lobbying on our behalf. They have each been through a lot or they wouldn’t be there, yet they somehow are able to dig down and find the strength to speak up and speak out. It’s an amzing thing and I am proud of all of them. Especially close to me are Sunshine, who was there despite her recent tragic loss, and Riri, who has also been through hell and back. Now travle home safely, ladies. LOVE YOU!!

***

Ok, now we can go back to me me me :)

OB today was good. Baby A weighs 3 lbs 7 oz, Baby B is 3 lbs 6 oz. Nice solid weights, and good that they are concordant (the same size). They don’t check for much else at these appts. but what they did see was all good.

I have gained about 25 pounds now, and it is all in the belly. I feel like I am carrying 25 pounds of buckshot in a fanny pack. Weird, but good. Am stopping work at 34 weeks — three weeks from now. Looking forward to this. I feel well — but so TIRED!

Birth plan is settled, and back to Plan A — scheduled C-section. Baby A is breech, B is transverse, and doc doesn’t think anyone has enough room in there to turn in any significant degree. Fine by me. I don’t really care how they get here, I just want them HERE, and am glad to have a plan in place.

Hubby is about to hand me a plate of dinner so must close. But am glad things are going well. So weird to just be a normal pg woman now, after all we have been through.

If you arte intested in more IF or ART stuff, go visit Kami at The Other Side. She’s got some good discussions re: donor egg going on. If I were less tired all the time and could breathe better, I’d join in more myself.

Posted by: katedaphne | June 17, 2009

8 weeks to go

Starting to get excited, and nervous.Yesterday We hit the 30 week mark, and assuming no one has any ideas of coming early, we have eight weeks until Baby Day. (Girls, Mom here. While you know we cannot wait to meet you, do NOT come early! That is an order. If you come early, you WILL be grounded!)

Cardiology appointment today was happy. The doctor looked almost giddy. A’s heart rhythm was pretty much normal! Waa-hoo! Heart function scored 9/10. Doc can’t really explain it, but thinks maybe there was never any real heart block in there. There’s no way to know, but it doesn’t matter. This is very good news, and they’ve cut me back to monthly visits now. Which pretty much means they’ll see me one more time before we deliver.Let’s say it again: WAAA-HOOOOOO!!!!

He did drop one thing on me — he prefers a vaginal delivery for Baby A. Previously he had said it didn’t matter. Not sure if he changed his mind for a reason or if he is just inconsistent on this. SO my OB and I had decided a C-section would be best, given they are twins, and also in the thought that a vaginal birth is more stressful on the babies. Yes, I know the benefits, but with a heart baby we preferred she not go through the stress of a regular birth. A section would be harder on me, but I’m big and healthy, I can take it. So now we have to rethink. They may not be in position for a vaginal delivery, so it may just not be possible. And I am completely not up for having one vaginal and THEN needing the section. I guess we will just have to monitor closely and then decide what’s best when the  day comes. Either way, it will still be a scheduled delivery, so if we don’t section, we will induce labor on the day in question, because we want it planned and controlled and we want the cardiac team on hand.

***

The shower the other weekend was lovely. Hanging out and celebrating with our friends was wonderful. And they are all so generous and truly showered us with gifts. I will just say, these will be ADORABLY dressed little girls!!! So many thanks must go out — to the friends who planned and hosted the party and to everyone who came. THANK YOU!!!!!!

***

The nursery is finally starting to look like a nursery and not a guest room or a workshop. The cribs came this week and we got them all set up (THAT was a chore but Mike was game, and did a great job). Those cribs are so sweet and really make the room. I am still repainting some of the other furniture (I am not buying anything new except the cribs, everything else is my old (thift store) furniture I have had for years). The paint on the walls, curtains Mom made, and a few accessories from IKEA (flower-shaped wall lamp, some storage bins) and we are about in business. We just need babies, now.

In 8 weeks, of course.

Posted by: katedaphne | June 5, 2009

10/10/10

It’s been a dicey couple of weeks here around Twincubator Central. But things are looking up.

Last week at our cardiology checkup, things had taken another turn for the worse. Fluid around Baby A’s heart was present, which is a sign of heart failure. Also, her heart was borderline enlarged, also not good. Her heat function, which had been measuring perfectly despite the problems, was down to 8/10. Her heart rhythm was actually looking a bit better, so the mixed signals were confusing. Concerned about a rapid buildup of fluid, they had me come back in two days instead of the usual week. Two days later, things were still looking stable.

This week, all was much improved. Fluid gone, no more enlargement, and heart function back up to 10/10. Yahoo! They are positing that this all occurred because of a minor virus I had. We don’t really know if I HAD one, but I was feeling poorly last week, headachy. I thought it was because of the humidity and change in weather. But who knows? The important thing is — she is hanging in there, and we don’t need any medication for her so far.

It also dawned on us that at 28 weeks, and with a planned delivery at 38 weeks — we are only 10 weeks away from being a family!!! It was a joyful, and not a little sobering, thought. So there you have it, 10/10/10.

***

Our friends are throwing a shower for us tomorrow.

The infertile in me is still having the heebie-jeebies about it. But the mom-to-be in me is trying to go with the flow and enjoy it. It’s a pretty big, coed party, with Mike’s and my friends both. It’s at a beautiful park, and so I told people to bring their families. Several are, so there will be actual KIDS at this party. Yes, my inner infertile is freaking out.

But I don’t want to let my past handcuff my future. And the way to not let it hold me back is to — not let it hold me back. Will it be hard? Hell yeah. Will it be as hard as suffering through IF and IVF hell? Of course not. We are on the road to our dream, what we have waited and wanted and wished for for so long. My past will always be with me and shape me, IF will never go away or be cured. But I am not going to let it steal any more from me.

Bring on the dorky baby shower games.

Posted by: katedaphne | May 19, 2009

I’m back!

Big thanks to Sunshine for keeping you all in the loop for me. I should’ve asked her to do that sooner! Sorry to go AWOL for a while. I just needed to hibernate for a while; things were happening but I had just NO energy to talk/write about it. Just getting through the day was hard enough. Sunshine explained things pretty well. We’ll now be monitored by the fetal cardiologist weekly and hoping for no more blockage to occur.

We had some good news today, at last, that I wanted to share. Just a simple OB appt. and fetal growth scan. In a month, both babies gained one pound, one ounce each! That’s awesome growth, and we’re so happy!!! “A” is now 1 lb, 15 oz., and “M” is 2 lbs. even. A month ago they were in the 25th percentile, but now they are in the 46th and 50th. Woo-hoo! No wonder I’ve been tired, hey?! (This is good b/c we need a hefty birthweight for “A” so she can have her surgery.)  Also, the doc measured my belly for the first time. I measure 33 weeks — even though I am just at 26 weeks today! So yeah, I am tired and huge, but for once it is all good.

Also, she is signing the papers for me to go on short-term disability starting next week. I really need a break; I just can’t keep up this pace. I’ll start out working 20 hours a week and see how that goes. When it’s time, I’ll quit completely. But I think this will be best for now. I’m not ready to stop completely yet, I don’t feel bad enough to stay put that much and I’d be bored. I think this will be perfect!

Now I am comfortably chilling in what we here call “the gestation station” — ie, our reclining couch. Watching American Idol and hanging out with my guy and my puppy.

Posted by: katedaphne | May 18, 2009

Blog update from Kate’s friend, Sunshine24

Hi everyone! I know how frustrating it is when you love reading a blog but there hasn’t been an update in awhile, so I offered to update on Kate’s behalf. (Also, to put who I am in context: I am the one who lives in NY that Kate stayed with, and we both did our DE Cornell cycles at the same time. I’m also the one who unfortunately lost our 20 week son, D.I.J. and Kate so amazingly wrote about it on her blog and I was taken aback by all of your comments, so since I have the “floor” here, I’d really like to thank each and everyone one of you for your comments and thoughts. I read all of them here on her blog.) Now, back to Kate….

Kate’s been going to her regular OB appointments, and Baby B (“M”) is still fine. However, at last week’s appointment, Baby A’s (“A”) ultrasound showed that unfortunately, some more heart damage had occurred. Not what they wanted to hear. I won’t get into specific details unless Kate wants to later, but the good news is that even though there was some blockage, other parts were working just fine. It was just a huge shock for them, as there were no signs of this blockage previously.

For now, A is still showing full cardiac function, and they not moving to treat. If things get worse, Kate will go on a medicine that will help A, but somehow not affect either Kate or M, which is kind of cool. The other concern, of course, is what happens if something were to happen to A and how would it affect M? Kate is just at the point of viability if M had to be delivered, but of course we want to keep her in as long as possible. So, we really have to watch 1) A’s cardiac function on a weekly basis to keep a very close eye on it, and 2) how the twins are affecting each other, and have a plan in place in case pre-term labor should occur, how to keep M as safe as possible for as long as possible, and trying to deal with a possible reality that if A is born pre-maturely, we all know her chances of survival.

So, as you can imagine, Kate is extremely overwhelmed right now, and just trying to get through each day. It’s tough. We are all thinking of her and wishing all 3 of them well, and if Kate wants me to, I’m happy to continue to update you guys via this blog, so she doesn’t have to deal with it and put down in words all this stuff.

If you want to get in touch with me, I am on IVFC under “Sunshine24” and feel free to PM me.
(And, again, a thousand thanks to all of you on here who reached out to me when we lost our son (it was IVF #8 for us.) I’ll never forget it.

Love,
Sunshine

Posted by: katedaphne | April 20, 2009

Come on in, the water’s f……

As you may have gathered by now, I am not really the type who dips her toe in tentatively and then decides whether or not to jump in. Nope, I just dive in.

So, after 21 weeks and six days of being pregnant, I made my first purchse for the girls today.

No, I didn’t go out and get a onesie or two, or a pair of cute little matching outfits.

I bought four bags of 0-3 month clothes from a neighbor off Craigslist for 50 bucks.

Four BAGS of baby girl clothes.

They frighten me. I have them all laid out in a pile on the chair now, I had to touch and look at each piece. Now I keep kind of sliding my eyes over that way and checking them out from the side. Like I’m scared to look at them straight on. Which, I guess I am.

They ARE cute though, very sweet.

Had a checkup with the fetal cardiologist last week. No news — which is good news. Everything still seems to be okay in there. Took for freaking EVER to get in and out of there because the girls were absolutely LOOPY. They were little acrobats, spinning around in there. The sono tech was despairing of ever getting all the photos she needed because they were just moving around so much. If that’s how they act when they are born — ie, when they have more space, more ground to cover — then I am in trouble!

We got tours of the NICU and the CV ICU (cardio vascular icu), so that was good. Nice to see where we’ll be. Where A will be. Everyone we met seems really nice and caring and helpful. I hope it stays this way.

I am trying so hard to spend my energy believing we’ll get through this. But I can’t tell you how hard this is. It is even harder than holding all my molecules together during an IVF cycle. Most of the timei DO think we’ll be okay.

Scared though. Scared they’ll be too premature — and that therefore A will be too small for surgery. It is a pretty straightforward thing — if she is born too early, and therefore too small, she’ll die. I am not allowed to say the words out loud – it freaks people (dh, mom, etc) out. But — it is true. I think about it sometimes, and I fear it.

Then, when I’m convinced she’ll be born okay and get to teh surgery, I’m afraid it will be too much for her. With a mortality rate of 4% per operation, the odds are of course in our favor. But there are babies in that 4%, of course. They had names, and were just as loved as A is. I can’t just act like they don’t exist, because I know they do. I hope A is luckier, stronger, whatever she needs to be. But, still, I fear….

So I haven’t been able to do much tangibly to get ready for the babies’ arrival (though dh is nesting like crazy, I love it and he is getting a lot done). I guess I’ll have to order the cribs at some point….

In the meantime … four bags of clothes. One small step for a fertile, a giant leap for infertilekind.

Posted by: katedaphne | April 12, 2009

Head. Won’t. Stop. Spinning.

So this past week had some strange extremes for me.

On Wednesday I was the guest speaker for the Tampa chapter of the Resolve infertility support group. It is moderated by a couple of women (one of whom is a local TV personality) who reached out to me after my newspaper story, The Longing was published. I’ve been in touch with them off and on since then, though I never did join the group (preferring the support of my family, bloggy friends, and what few IRL friends I had left). But somehow my name came up recently when they were brainstorming speakers (scraping the bottom of the barrell? Ha).

I was willing to do it, because I feel that one of the few things I have to offer people is to share my experience out loud in hopes that it will help fellow victims cope, or help them talk about it. Or help family and friends of victims cope, and talk about it. I hate the silent suffering so many of us go through. It is so unnecessary. (Yet so natural, because we feel the need to protect ourselves, and so many people don’t know what to do or say.)

I told Kathy (moderator) that I’d do it, but I had this little problem. Two actually :) I well know that the last thing infertility sufferers want is to see a big old pg belly, especially in their safe place. It doesn’t bring them hope; it brings them sorrow, anger, jealousy, etc. So — we decided I’d do it, but soon, before the Things were canteloupe-sized (I think, according to my nephew, they were still at the avocado stage) and I’d dress as circumspectly as possible.

So, I went. The first hour was the group’s share-and-support session. I sat in but did not participate. And DAMN! Listening to all the sad, awful stories of these nice people was so freaking hard. I could relate to all of them in some way. Some were older, doing donor egg b/c they’d “waited too long” (their words) or because it was a second, later-in-life marriage. Another couple was in their young twenties and coping with another serious medical problem that also caused infertility. I felt so bad for them — I never would’ve had the resources, personal or financial, to face what they are at that age. And every story in between. We empathize a lot here in blogland, but I have to say — it was a very different experience for me to look in the eyes of the women and men suffering. (I suppose those of you who go to support groups already know this.)

The second hour, I told my story. It was tough, because although I am pretty okay talking about it, the tear ducts were already primed…. But everyone really wanted to hear (so flattering! and so weird, I’m no celebrity!) so I plunged in. It was pretty informal, and we digressed for questions and answers, etc. And I took questions at the end. (I stopped after saying my last cycle was in the winter, but Kathy asked me the outcome of it. So I revealed I was pg, but we didn’t talk anymore about it or dwell on it.)

I think hearing from me was interesting to the group. I don’t like to say it gave them hope (UGH!) but I do think it helped them know they weren’t alone in the struggle, and that even long, shitty-ass struggles like mine are survivable. I got to talk to several after the meeting. I really liked them all and wish them the very best. I came home emotionally drained but glad I’d done it.

Infertility is so hard.
Infertility sucks.

So, that was Wednesday.

Thursday, I attended my first PPODS event. PPODS is the local parents-of-multiples club. I joined several weeks ago, and have participated on their online bulletin boards. They’ve already been very helpful and kind; I posted when I first heard about Baby A’s heart problem, and they immediately offered support and got me in touch with a few other parents in a similar boat. So I really wanted to meet some of them in person.

Thursday was Moms’ “Game Night,” hosted at the home of a member. Though we never did play any games (they sat in a stack in the middle of the floor), we just sat around and talked and ate and drank (wine for them, lemonade for me, alas). It was really fun — but sort of like a hazing. Standing around the table munching on pizza, they all started talking about their birth horror stories. One said hers was great and she didn’t even need drugs (I told her she should’ve taken them anyway, for fun), but the rest — holy COW! They said later they weren’t trying to scare me, but I am not so sure ;)

They all had twins, of course. I was the first to arrive, and the hostess was still getting things ready, so I played with the kids a little. She has toddler b/g twins adopted after an IF struggle — and a “bonus baby” (their words) who came naturally just a few months later. When I arrived, the little boy grabbed my hand and said “walk!” So we went for a walk through the house and down the hall … to his bedroom … where he went directly to his bed! His dad cracked up. I laughed and told the little dude he needed to buy me dinner first. :) heart-breaker int he making, that kid!

The rest of the night was just hanging out with moms of twins. Some had IVF twins, others had twins run in the family and weren’t surprised, I think one was a twin herself; others’ twins were a complete surprise. Mostly they talked about the kids, but not completely. They completely took me under their wing and told me they’d be there for anything I needed because they knew the ropes and remembered how hard it was at first to have twins. I told them I’d keep them all on my speed-dial. “Of course you will, honey, that’s why you joined the club!”

It was the kind of evening that normally would have given me the heebie-jeebies. Actually, a year ago I couldn’t've sat through it. And at times, it DID feel weird and even a little creepy. But ready or not, these are my new peers. And I am really glad to have them on my side.

Posted by: katedaphne | April 12, 2009

Sock It To Me

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Okay, so I am a bit tardy with this post. It has been a crazy week (not crazy bad, just crazy), which I will tell about in another, separate post.

THIS post is about the warm fuzzy feelings we all get from participating in this wonderful place we call the blogosphere. And I sure got the warm fuzzies when Kym and Chance sent me these lovelies:

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As regular readers know, I’ve been calling the little embryos that stuck with my last IVF cycle Thing 1 and Thing 2, cuz that’s sorta how they look in the early ultrasounds.

Considering that it was our seventh IVF that finally got us a BFP that stuck, I have been pretty dang nervous. Still am, although my nephew has looked it up on the Internet and tells me my twins are currently the size of small cantaloupes. And it is starting to look like he’s right. I am trying to have more confidence, less fear, but it’s hard.

That’s where YOU come in. So many warm wishes and thoughts come from you that it truly does help me get through a bad day, or enjoy a good one even more.

And back in my darkest days, when nothing was working, and losses and screw-ups were mounting, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to make it through a day, your wishes and comments and lurkerdom gave me strength.

I’m not a great commenter myself, I tend to lurk more than talk. But I hope I’ve given at least some of you the same comfort. IF is a long, hard, shitty road, and pg-after-IVf is a long, hard, weird road. Thank goodness we have each other to help us get along it.

All my love,
Katedaphne

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Posted by: katedaphne | March 24, 2009

Prayers, please, for DIJ

Horrible news this morning. A very close friend, who I met through an IVF message board and became IRL friends with, has lost her baby.

She did a DE cycle the same time I did; she was a week and a half ahead of me. She lives near the clinic where I did my cycle, and my husband and I stayed at her house while we were cycling. So we were cycle buddies and housemates at the same time. We were so ecstatic that the cycles worked for both of us.

She has been through as much as I have, and more. She considered my twins her daughters, and her son was mine. And now, little D.I.J. was found last night to have no heartbeat.

I feel like I don’t have a heartbeat either.

How does this happen? Why? She was practically 20 weeks. The NT scan, the anatomy scan, all were passed with flying colors. And now — darkness.

She’s not a blogger, but if you could leave her some hugs here, I’ll see that she gets them when she comes up for air.

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